Embracing Your Beauty!!

“Oh my God, I’m so fat!”

“My thighs look like cottage cheese!”

“I hate my arms!”

   These are statements that you almost never hear coming out of the mouths of guys.  In general, girls degrade our bodies on a much broader scale than the guys. 

   

   We can also pass on our own insecurities by being overly preoccupied with out weight or appearance.  Little kids think the world of their elder sisters or brothers. They look at us as beauty queens and super heroes.  So when then they see us calling ourselves fat, grunting at the mirror, eating cereal for dinner to squeeze into a dress, or jumping on the latest diet bandwagon, it makes them question their own beauty and weight. If their sister’s aren’t good enough, how can they possibly be good enough?

   Commercials and magazines definitely don’t make it easier. Nowadays, almost every magazine airbrushes inches off of thighs, sharpens cheekbones, erases stretch marks, and cinches waists.  We can’t go a night without watching commercials about girls eating yogurt or cereal to lose weight, or watching the latest celebrity with an endorsement by Weight Watchers!!

   So when I watched the new Dove Ad, it put things into a completely different perspective.  An FBI profiler draws women based on what they say about themselves, which includes: “My chin kind of protrudes a little bit, especially when I smile.” “I kind of have a fat rounder face.”

   Whether we refuse to see our mistakes or refuse to see our greatness, we are not seeing ourselves for who we are.  When we put ourselves down, we ignore our own gifts and dismiss our beauty. I see it all of the time when people are given compliments. Instead of feeling grateful and whole, we insert an excuse or diminish our light.

Your cake is amazing!                     “The recipe was really easy.”

Your dress is stunning!                  “You like this? It’s old.”

Your hair looks amazing!               “You don’t see the frizz in the back?!”

   When are YOU going to start accepting and embracing your beauty and your strength. The next time someone pays you a compliment, don’t minimize their words. Simply say, “Thank you.”  And if you are a sister, you owe it to your younger siblings to look in the mirror tonight and say, “I look incredible.”!!!!

Girls, embrace your flaws!!!! Don't compare or compete with others. What makes you different makes you beautiful. Don't let the crowd's standards define you. You're beautiful in your way!!!! <3

Why do People Change?

   As people move on with life, they change. And not always in a positive way. They meet new people and in order to adjust with them, they try to be one of them. This is what changes them. Is it actually possible for a person to change? To forget who they were and move on to become a completely different person? I've seen people change in love; I've seen people change for love. Their preferences change, their priorities change. Some realize their mistakes and change to correct them. People shatter our trust and then apologize. Claiming that they have changed. Our friends change and we grow apart. It is surprising how someone you used to be so close to, can't even find the time or the need to reach you once in a month or so. The question is, Do people actually change or it's just that we get to see their actual colours after a span of time?

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   The reason why relationships or friendships don't last today? People change. They change their priorities. They change their attitude. Because people, in the process of adapting themselves to the new people around them, forget who they were and what they used to be. They tend to forget that this change, it not only affects them but those around them too. It affects the people close to them, and not always in a good way. And why do people exactly change?
   Maybe because they are too bored with their former selves and are looking for something new, not realizing that there are people who love them the way they are. People change when they shift their focus in life, to more important things. A change in priorities. And mostly, people change for attention, people change because they aren't confident about themselves. They want to be someone else, someone who is way better than them, even if it means giving up on their original self. 

Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.

The Choice

   I know what I did wasn't the right thing. Had my parents known, they would have never permitted me. I felt guilty. I know nobody expected me to do it. It was everything but legal. I felt out of place. I wanted to run back home and lock myself up in my room. For my friends, it was no big deal. They said this was something regular to them. But for me, it wasn't. Because I was never allowed. They told me that I was freaking out because it was my first time. With practice, I would master the art. But did I really want this to happen again?
   I really didn't have an answer to this one. I compromised with my values and my parent's Trust just because I couldn't say 'No'. Maybe I was too tempted with the offer. Maybe I thought that saying no would make me conventional. Maybe I just wanted to try it once. Or maybe I just wanted to break free from all my restrictions. Whatever the reason may be, the conclusion was that all this was wrong, very wrong. I shouldn't have done it. But what will my peers think of me? Am I a coward? Or am I a nerd? I don't know how to make a choice. I don't know which side to follow.

I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.

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   Our peers are our second family. Our parents, our first. Which one to obey? One leads you to all sorts of things that you always wanted to try. Dangerous, but fun. The other holds us back from doing them? It isn't about our parents or their set of rules; it is about us and our conscience. All of us instinctively know what is good and what isn't. But everyone overlooks it. Whenever we do something that we aren't supposed to do, our inner voice shouts, yells and pleads you to stop. But to no avail. We follow our impulses. Teenage, it is. We have a whole lot of reality shows showing us the worst cases. But preaching doesn't help. Application does. Learn to acknowledge your limits. Learn to obey rules.
   As far as peer pressure is concerned, learn to say No. Learn to apply your own brain and not get carried away by what others say. The fact that you are not allowed doing things that your friends are permitted to do instills a kind of a rebellion. But no parent wants to chain their child. All of them are just preparing us for that big bad world, a step at a time. It's all about the choice you make. It's all about whose side you take. It all depends on whether you are strong enough to say No at that point of time.

It is better to be hated for what you are; than to be loved for something you aren't.  

Know The Difference....

   We rushed into things. It was an instant connection. We hardly took any time. We started dating almost immediately after we met. I didn't even know him well. He proposed me and I agreed. I wanted a relationship, badly. I could no longer stay single. All my friends had a boyfriend. I needed one so I picked the easiest available option. Being our first relationship, there was so much to experience, so much to explore.
   Almost a month after this relationship, the truth dawned upon me. I practically knew nothing about this guy. There was no future together. Our relationship was more of a physical fling, than an emotional one. I didn't love him. It was just that I wanted him. And not particularly him, I just needed any such company. Now, when it is all over, I feel a strange sense of guilt. Why did I date him? This is still an unanswered question lying on the back of my mind. Maybe because I just couldn't bear being single anymore. It was humiliating at times. But this relationship gave me nothing, except a few nightmares. All I know is that in future, I will never enter into such a commitment before completely assessing the situation. 

Never confuse Love with Lust. One is unconditional, and the other has an expiry date.

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   Peer pressure lead us into all sorts of silly stuff. It is just so important to match up to our friends levels. Thus, teenagers are often influenced to take the quicker route. They confuse Lust for Love, making it all the more dreadful for them. Most relationships these days are a result of desperation, and not that of Love. As a result, people easily get bored of each other. They just don't last. This shakes their faith in the true feeling of Love. Physical intimacy thus replaces Love.
   The truth is; when two people are actually in Love, lust automatically takes the back seat. There are so many successful long distance relationships. These relationships are an example of how Love triumphs over all challenges. But people today lack the patience to wait, even if it is for Love. They see a line and they want to cross it. It is a kind of personal dare. Maybe the thrill of trading the familiar for the unfamiliar. And once they are in there, it is kind of hard to get back. Lust can't wait, but Love can.

There is a BIG difference between: Who we Love, Who we settle for and Who we are meant for.

All it takes is a little Trust

   I feel chained. In order to save my relationship, I've made some very prominent sacrifices in the recent past. Even after all this, he says he is insecure. He complains when I wear short dresses to parties. He dislikes almost all of my guy friends. I tried convincing him, but he doesn't budge. Whenever he loses his cool, he accuses me of all the mean things, saying he doesn't trust me. This feels humiliating at times. On some days, I wish to break free from these chains and be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
But our love for each other is enough reason for me to Stay. Obviously we have had many good times. But these are outnumbered by the increasing insecurities. There have been times when I feel insecure regarding his exes and stuff. But I never complain. Trust is the very foundation of a relationship. In order to love someone, you have to trust them in the first place. I want a little space. There are certain things which I want to do without his nagging. I understand he cares, but caring too much is often a sign of insecurity.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

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   Guys often tend to get too attached when it comes to the girl they Love. This is a common phenomenon. But individually, all of them have a separate mentality. Some hardly care, some trust and let go, others care way too much. Excess interference senselessly arouses suspicions, which is unhealthy for a relationship. There is a mutual disagreement. Girls often feel that they are being held back by their relationship. A relationship is not a boundation, it's a feeling of togetherness, a feeling of love and concern. Too much insecurity from one side may cause the other to break free from the relationship.
   When you enter into a relationship, you promise to be with that person through thick and thin. You pledge to take care of each other. Doubting your partner or accusing them will only harm your relationship in the long run. She may try to convince you to trust her, and when she does, obey her. A girl may accept all what you say patiently. But a day will come when this patience will end, and she will break free. And once a girl is freed from such a relationship, she may not return. Love means a lot to a girl. But no girl accepts a relationship at the cost of her freedom. If you had the strength to love, have the courage to trust.

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.

I wish I could go back in time

   

   After spending a couple of hours with an old friend, I realized that things have changed a lot. I have changed a lot. It was like my life went through a series of changes. The changing situations, the uncertain circumstances somehow forced me to change as well. I came out as an entirely different person. All that I have today - the people, the identity, the kind of life, it is all completely different from what I had. I left behind most of my old friends and made new ones, had fresh experiences. There were many chapters of my life which were never completed. I opened a fresh chapter without bothering to close the old ones. Well, in some cases, closing them was impossible.
   Change is a part of life. But there is a possibility that change, may not be for good, at times. Although I am happy with whatever I have, but it hurts to look back and see those unclosed chapters that lay scattered. I sometimes feel that they are calling me back to them. The ignored aspects of my life are demanding attention. I want to go back and go through my past all over again. I wish to relive it. I miss those times. I miss those people who once meant everything to me. I miss those people who don't even care to check if I exist today or not. I want those people back. My present is full of amazing people, but somehow, the people in my past hold the same importance till date. I may not show it, but I miss them, I miss them a hell lot!

All in all, I have no regrets. The sun still shines, the sun still sets. The heart forgives, the heart forgets. I'll close my eyes and make a wish, hoping you'll remember that you were to stay forever… <3

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   This happens with everyone. All of us have certain relationships or friendships that once meant everything to us. Although they never ended, they faded away with time. Or in some cases they were snapped by misunderstandings, rumors and other things. The only thing that strikes us then is - Life Moves On. So, we carry on with life. We try and move forward quickly, with an intention to blur our past. We try our best to avoid looking back for we know that once we do so, we will regret moving forward in the first place. You cannot run away from your past, for that was a part of your life. You cannot avoid it for long. Sooner or later, you will come to terms with reality. Life will make you pay for whatever you did or said. You will then realize what you had missed all these years.

   Why let such a situation arise in the first place? Why let any bad memories be a part of your past? Why not address and approach the situation there and then? Resolve the matter. If things went wrong somewhere, fix them. Try your best. The memories that we create today are a kind of an investment. The returns are in the form of the happiness and contentment that we feel when we look back at them. And if something went seriously wrong, dismiss it. Try not to get too attached. Try and be as passive as possible. Why spoil your present because of something so worthless, that to a part of your past?

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one waits forever.

You're gone.....

   

   It’s devastating to learn that some of your friends no longer want to be a part of your life, no matter what the reason. But especially, when that reason has not been made clear.

   I have always taken my friendships very seriously. Very. Seriously.

   Indeed it is rare to find true friends that love you and accept you for all that you are and love you and accept you for all that you are not.

   I guess that’s why it hurts so much when they are gone.

   A true friend can know you better than you know yourself. A true friend is always forgiving and honest. A true friend can also see you for all you are worth even when you can’t see it in yourself. They are there for the good times, and there for the bad, they even call you out on your shit.

   I hate to sound cliche but, “The Harder The Truth To Tell, The Truer The Friend That Tells It.” My closest friends, the ones I trust the most, would never let me leave the house in an outfit that isn’t flattering, and always tell me when I need a breath mint. They tell me when I am great and they certainly tell me when I am an asshole.

   I think you are lucky if you find just ONE friend like that in this world.

   Alas, I am writing this post with tears falling from my eyes and a very heavy heart. It seems that some of my truly valued friendships has come to an untimely and unexplained end.

   Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever. Yet, I understand that friendships end and friends part company every day. I know it is unfortunate, even the best maintained friendships can end. Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle. Sometimes friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other’s company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.

   I get that.

   But here is what I don’t get. Usually, I can pin point the reason or circumstance as to the: when, where, what, why, and how the relationship was terminated. However, in this particular case, with these particular friends, I don’t know what was/is the cause that has led to the sudden demise of our friendship. Like, was it so strong to end everything so easily?

   I believe that it is very important to hold myself accountable for my actions and to take full responsibility when I am in the wrong. So, for the last two weeks I have been making myself crazy. I have been analyzing every word and every action, while replaying every single conversation, and every single moment in time we spent together over the last 2 years, in my head. After much thought and scrutiny I am still left wondering what I may have said or done to that extent that drove my friends out of my life?!?!

   I don’t usually have this much trouble letting go of a friendship. Shit, I have cut people out of my life that I felt were toxic for me, and I never gave them a second thought. But at least I had the decency to give them the courtesy of a phone call, or to write them a good bye letter, giving an explanation as to WHY I would no longer be a participating member of the relationship.

   These former friends, the ones who extended their hands in friendship, only to take it away, without warning or notice have been such an important role in my life that I am unable to walk away as easily. I know that I cannot make someone stay friends with me, and I will respect their wishes. I just wish it didn’t hurt this bad.

   I know I have other people I can lean on. I know that I am blessed with a boyfriend, a few other friends and parents who I can turn to.

   But I miss them. A lot.

   And, this…hurts.

   I am trying to hold on to the fact that people will come in and out of my life for a various reason. Some are meant to stay forever. Others are here only temporarily to teach me a valuable lesson or to help me through something. Maybe they were in my life to teach me and that lesson has been learned and our time together is simply over.

   Yet I still have no closure. And no answers. Maybe I never will. I guess it is important for me to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then maybe I can move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.

   But it is going to take some time to get used to this new empty place in my life that was once filled with their happy, smiling, faces and all the good times we had...................................... :(

You are forever in my heart, no matter the distance, or the time we are apart.